Oh Lord filter my thoughts
I see her with child
And I ask
Why her and not me
I hear a baby cry
And I ask
Why hers and not mine
I see happy people
And ask
Why them and not me
My thoughts of loss
Are driving me to the rugged wall
I can feel insanity
Trying my patience
Haunting even
These thoughts
Keep burning my brain
Eating my cells
Without wanton
Filter my thoughts
I just want to give in
To thoughts of hopelessness
And let life
Take me where it wants
Or is it where I want
***
This poem captures the mental and emotional struggle that can arise after a profound loss, particularly when grief leads to painful comparisons with the lives of others. Seeing pregnant women, hearing babies cry, or witnessing the happiness of others becomes a reminder of what has been lost.
These ordinary moments trigger questions of fairness and longing, creating a sense that everyone else has received something that has been taken away.
The repeated questions of “why her and not me” and “why them and not me” reveal feelings of envy, not born from malice, but from deep hurt. Grief often causes people to compare their circumstances with those around them, especially when others appear to possess the very things they desperately wanted.
These comparisons intensify feelings of isolation and make the loss feel even more personal and painful.
The plea for God to “filter my thoughts” suggests a desire for relief from an exhausting cycle of negative thinking. The mind is portrayed as overwhelmed by grief, replaying painful questions and scenarios that have no clear answers.
The thoughts feel intrusive and relentless, affecting emotional well-being and making it difficult to find peace. There is a recognition that these thoughts are becoming difficult to control, creating a sense of mental and spiritual exhaustion.
The poem also reflects a struggle between hope and hopelessness. There is a temptation to surrender to despair and stop resisting the pain, yet the prayer itself shows a desire for help and guidance.
The request for thoughts to be filtered suggests a longing for clarity, comfort, and freedom from the emotional turmoil that grief has created. Beneath the anguish lies a search for peace, even when that peace feels distant and difficult to reach.
If this resonated with you, you are not alone. Grief can feel isolating, but your story matters. If you feel comfortable, I invite you to share your journey, whether through a few words, a poem, or a personal experience. Your voice could be the comfort someone else is searching for. Leave a comment below, or,
You can share your stories through griefpoetry@gmail.com
I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine your pain. My pain and grief is completely different as yours as I have severe Bipolar disorder and lost my identity and about 20 years of my life. I have grieved the loss of my life and identity and all I loss with because of my illness. I could never imagine losing a child. I am so sorry and my heart aches for you. You are very strong and writing is a great idea for an outlet. Plus, your writing is beautiful and inspiring to me. You are very gifted and talented writer. Praying for you. Hugs and blessings to you.
Grief is really tough no matter the reason why. You are brave too for sharing your story with the world. We get through such hard moments when reading other people’s stories. You are unique and thank you for your words to me, i really appreciate. 😍😍
You are very welcome and I sure wish there was more I could do.
If this resonated with you, you are not alone. Grief can feel isolating, but your story matters. If you feel comfortable, I invite you to share your journey, whether through a few words, a poem, or a personal experience. Your voice could be the comfort someone else is searching for. Leave a comment below, or,
You can share your stories through griefpoetry@gmail.com