I have lost myself in grief
Grief that has astounded my mind
Caused my soul to perish in disbelief
All known associations of reality

Shattered in the abys of grievous emotions
I feel like I want to escape
Drown myself in deep clenching sorrow
Dance with the lost pains of centuries

Dear Nathan
My boy
My little man

I have let myself disappear in grief
Grief that has crumbled my heart
Caused my mind to stammer in shock
All known memories of realism
Devastated in the depths of laments
I feel like I want to run away
Sink myself in profound unhappiness
Dance with the sorrowfullness of an era

Dear Nathan
My boy
My little man

Death uprooted you from my life
Before I held you in my arms
I cannot yet speak of loosing you
I choose to Hideout in all this pain
So again I will write my sodden grief
In this letter for you

Dear Nathan
My boy
My little man
Mama loves

The poem “Dear Nathan” expresses the devastating reality of a mother trying to come to terms with the death of her baby before she ever had the opportunity to hold him.

At its heart, the poem is about a love that began long before physical contact but was interrupted by death before it could be fully experienced. Nathan is already a son in his mother’s heart, someone she loves, longs for, and considers part of her life, despite never having held him in her arms.

His death represents not only the loss of a child but also the loss of the life she imagined sharing with him. She grieves for the baby she will never hold, the moments they will never experience together, and the future that will never unfold.

Her pain comes from having to say goodbye to someone she was emotionally prepared to welcome into her world but was never given the chance to meet in the way she had hoped.

The mother’s grief has become so overwhelming that it affects her entire sense of existence. When she describes losing herself in grief, she is expressing more than sadness; she is describing a profound disruption of who she was before Natha

n’s death. The world she once understood no longer feels familiar, and the reality she must now live with is difficult to accept. Her disbelief reflects the struggle to comprehend how something so precious could be taken away before it had the chance to begin.

She feels trapped in a sorrow that seems impossible to escape, wishing she could run away from the emotional weight of her loss. Beneath these feelings is the painful conflict between knowing that her baby is gone and being unable to emotionally reconcile herself with that reality.

Her grief has become a place where she feels lost, unable to return to the person she was before, yet not knowing how to move forward without the child she had hoped to raise.

The poem also reveals the loneliness and complexity of grieving a baby who died before birth or before the mother could hold him. The statement that she cannot yet speak about losing Nathan suggests that the loss is still too painful to confront directly.

Sometimes, the death of a baby is difficult for others to understand because they may not have witnessed the pregnancy, the mother’s hopes, or the emotional bond she had already formed with her child.

However, the absence of physical memories does not mean the absence of love. For this mother, Nathan was real in her hopes, her expectations, and her emotional world. She is mourning a child whose presence she anticipated but whose absence she must now learn to live with.

Her decision to hide away in her pain may reflect her need to withdraw from a world that continues to exist as though nothing has happened, while, internally, her own world has been profoundly changed.

She is not necessarily choosing to remain unhappy; she is struggling to face a loss for which she may not yet have the emotional strength or words.

Ultimately, “Dear Nathan” is about the enduring bond between a mother and a child whose time together was painfully cut short. Despite her suffering, the mother continues to address Nathan as her boy and her little man because, in her heart, his death has not erased his place in her life.

Her decision to write to him becomes a way of maintaining a connection with the child she cannot physically reach.

Through her words, she gives Nathan the recognition of a son who was loved, wanted, and deeply mourned. The final declaration that Mama loves him affirms that her love exists independently of the time she had with him or the experiences they were able to share.

The poem does not present grief as something that can be quickly overcome; instead, it acknowledges that some losses permanently change the way a person experiences life.

For this mother, remembering Nathan and expressing her sorrow are ways of acknowledging both the depth of her loss and the depth of her love. Beneath all the pain is the simple but profound truth that Nathan’s life was brief, but his place in his mother’s heart is lasting.