I’m not excited for my future

Why do I feel like I am drowning in myself
The loneliness feels like a never-ending maze
It feels so dark, so small
Like a never-ending pit
The blackness embraces me

Every time I try to run, it pulls me back to one
Where else can I place this grief of time
Where else can darkness be turned to light
It feels so sudden, this loss
But it has been there every single day you were not there
Why are my sentences mangled
Why can I not speak clearly, but only see tears
Where’s the loss in that
Should I even exist? when all I feel is this pain
It should have been a new year with you
Now, the sixth month and the year keep moving
As if my pain does not matter, as if tears are free
No, they are not