I remember it

Like it was just now

Carrying everything I owned

In my basin

My clothes

My juices

My fruits

They had brought to visit me in hospital

Walking out and looking back

At that maternity ward

I hated that ward

I hated the smell of the hospital

I hated all the cries I heard

From babies that were born

I hated the laughter in that ward

Of those who congratulated them

For having what I did not have

My baby

I hated the doctors in that ward

I knew it was not their fault

Still I hated

I hated it all

Because I was empty

My arms were empty

I was leaving without you my baby

I could hear their whispers as I walked by

They knew what I knew

She lost her baby

Sighs of sympathy

Faces with sorrow for me

I wanted to run

But I was in pain

Pain from labour that yielded nothing

Pain from stitches that hurt

Pain from a wounded heart

I was empty

My arms were empty

Leaving the hospital without you child

Is the worst day of my life

I still feel that emptiness

I still live with that anger

I still hate that ward

It took you away from me

Then I had to leave you there

Before coming back

To take you away

And bury you

I left the hospital empty

Nothing has been able to replace you

Nothing, no one, ever will

Because you were my life, my forever

I can never escape it, this emptiness

As it’s a constant reminder of all that was lost

I will never forget that feeling

Of leaving the hospital without you baby