I hear it pump blood
So hard
So fast
In the same rhythm
As if you were still there
My heart has no mind of its own
It does not know that you left
It knows not
That it does not have to beat for two
My superpower
Would have been being your mum
I would have loved you endlessly
I would have fed you tirelessly
I would have changed your diaper unreservedly
I would have soothed your cold restlessly
I would have watched you crawl without end
I would have watched you crush on your first cute girl
They would all have been wrong for you
I would let you rest your tired head on my laps
And let them call you mama’s boy
I would have come to your graduations without fail
By God’s grace
I would have watched you marry the woman of your dreams
Then held and spoilt all my grandkids
My heart beating for two
Reminds me one part of me is missing
Yet I have to survive it somehow
Without any Superpower
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Grief Poetry 
This weekend my sister in law had a gender reveal party and we found out her new baby is a boy. I was really happy for them. Now, she’ll have one of each. I have two girls and everybody was saying that on our side we only had girls and so a boy would be a welcome addition. I felt bad though because we had a boy, too. Our first, but he was stillborn and it broke my heart a little that he didn’t count. At least to all of them. Some of those people don’t know that Gabriel existed but some of them did. I wanted to say “I had a boy, too!” But didn’t.
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Congratulations to your sister in law. It’s so hard when you start to feel people forgetting your baby, sometimes you want to scream at them to remind them but you don’t. I totally understand, its one of those things you battle with everyday.
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