I’ m back to where I started

Back to nothing

Back to home

Back to single hood

Back to no baby

Back to joblessness

Back to loneliness

Back to no one

Back to where I started

I’ m back to how it began

Back to everything gone

Back to everyone gone

Back to every regret

Back to every haunting demon

Back to every ghost

Back to every loss

Back to every grief

Back to every pain

Back to how it began

I’m back to when it all ended

Back to wishing

Back to fantasizing

Back to hallucinating

Back to dreaming

Back to hoping

Back to wanting

Back to staggering

Back to chanting

Back to stammering

Back to when it all ended

I’ m back to who I was running from

Back to being afraid to love

Back to being afraid to dream

Back to being afraid to ask

Back to being afraid to laugh

Back to being afraid to disagree

Back to being afraid to change

Back to being afraid to let go

Back to being afraid to accept

Back to who I was running away from

I’ m back to what I left

Back to guilt

Back to rage

Back to anger

Back to regret

Back to depression

Back to fear

Back to sorrow

Back to heartache

Back to mourning

Back to sadness

Back to empty

Back to what I left

I’ m back to what broke me

Back to tears on my pillow

Back to restless nights on my bed

Back to nightmare filled dreams

Back to heart stopping pain

Back to seeing you leave me

Back to headache filled mornings

Back to jealous outbursts

Back to grieving for time not spent

Back to what broke me

I’ m back

Back to…

If this resonated with you, you are not alone. Grief can feel isolating, but your story matters. If you feel comfortable, I invite you to share your journey, whether through a few words, a poem, or a personal experience. Your voice could be the comfort someone else is searching for.  Leave a comment below, or,

You can share your stories through griefpoetry@gmail.com

***

This poem is about the painful feeling of being forced to start over after experiencing profound loss. The repeated phrase “Back to” creates a sense of moving backward rather than forward, as though everything that was gained, hoped for, or built has suddenly disappeared.

It expresses the devastation of returning to a life that feels empty after losing meaningful relationships, opportunities, dreams, and a child. What once felt like progress now feels erased, leaving behind loneliness, uncertainty, and the feeling of standing once again at the beginning.

The poem also explores how grief can resurrect emotions and struggles that were thought to have been overcome. Old fears, insecurities, regrets, and emotional wounds return with overwhelming force.

The return is not only to external circumstances but also to an earlier emotional state filled with self-doubt, fear of love, fear of hope, and fear of being hurt again.

Grief becomes a journey backward into painful memories, forcing a confrontation with parts of oneself that had been left behind or buried beneath happier moments.

At its core, the poem captures the cyclical nature of grief and trauma. Healing is often imagined as a straight path forward, but this poem recognizes that loss can make a person feel as though they have been pulled back into the darkest moments of their life.

The references to tears, sleepless nights, nightmares, heartache, and mourning reveal how grief can reopen old wounds and make the past feel present again. The unfinished ending, “I’m back… Back to…”, leaves the poem suspended in uncertainty, reflecting how grief itself can feel unfinished, with no clear destination and no easy resolution.

It conveys the fear of returning to a place of pain while also acknowledging the reality that healing is rarely a linear process.